It’s hard for me to know where to start? I guess this journey really began the day I gave birth to my third child “The World Changer” Paxton, four and a half years ago. It was an incredibly healing birth for me, and my first midwife-assisted waterbirth.
Two years after Paxton was born, our family suffered the loss of a late miscarriage. Six months later we were excited to discover we were expecting twins, only to have our hearts broken once more with the loss of them - also due to a miscarriage. Seth and I felt our hearts were too fragile to bear another loss so we decided that our family was complete with the 5 of us. Seth had a vasectomy preformed and we felt at peace. We had the perfect family, 2.5 kids, a beautiful home, an amazing marriage, fulfilling jobs, an incredible church family…..what more would anyone want or need in life? Little did I know what the future had in store for us.
Last summer our family’s world was devastated with the loss of our Paxton. It still feels like a horrible nightmare that can’t possibly be true. As a mother, I now long for the opportunity to give all the earthly love I once had for Paxton to another child, but tragically I am medically unable to carry any more children. This truth tortures me. I would give anything to feel life inside of me again, to be able to give birth again, to nurse a newborn again, but I cannot. However, my God is good, in all things, the good and the bad! He has provided a way for us to have another child through the incredible gift of surrogacy. Though this path will not allow me to experience the joys of being pregnant and giving birth, it is a beautiful gift that I WILL be able to have to joy of being my surrogate’s midwife. I will be the first biological mommy to ever deliver her own surrogate-born baby. I won’t feel my baby growing and moving inside of me but I will feel my baby growing and moving from the outside with my hands as I care for Amanda. My baby will get to hear his or her mommy’s voice every day, as my surrogate Amanda, works in my office with me! I won’t experience giving birth to my baby but I will get to deliver my baby. My hands will be the first thing he or she feels when entering this world. My baby will get to come immediately skin to skin with his or her mommy. I will induce lactation to be able to nurse my baby. I cannot think of anything that would be better, besides me being able to carry and give birth to my baby myself, than this!
There is no way for words to express how thankful I am to everyone who has love and supported us through this journey. Every donation given to The Wages’ Legacy Babyfund, both big and small, is a reminder of God’s faithfulness. We anxiously await when we are able to reach our financial goals and begin this next chapter in our lives!
It is clear that God was divinely orchestrating all of this in advance! It is impossible for every one of these incredible details to have come together by coincidence. We trust His provision for our lives and feel overwhelmed by how He has watch over us and cared for us through the hardest of life’s challenges.